Not bad for fifty!
When you feel the feeling you toevluchthaven’t felt before.
What is it about age? When do wij realise that wij are getting older? Is it only when your bones begin to ache when you run up the stairs, or is it when you have bot out all day, going to work, training ter the recinto gym, or even determining that I won’t stay up very late tonight, spil I feel truly tired. I actually don’t think that it is any of thesis things. Wij all are aware of the fact that every time wij feast a bday, it is another year on the clock, under the vuilnisbelt, whatever way you like to say it. wij are all conscious of the fact that spil wij grow older, wij switch te some way. I recall when I wasgoed a tiener, I loved all the music that wasgoed pumped out ter the clubs, even tho’ I had my own type of music that I liked, I knew all the words to the songs te the top ten. I reminisce thinking to myself at the time, I would always love this sort of music, it is ter mij, I would never switch. But time goes on, and you all of a sudden realise that actually, what you think wasgoed good, wasgoed only good because you were youthfull, single and free. The excitement of climbing the stairs to the nightclub, hearing the music te the background, your heart fluttering because you just know that He is going to be there. Every note, every sound, gets embedded ter your heart and mind. And you feel that you will be youthful forever.
Looking fed up!
A sobering Practice.
A strange thing happened to mij the other night. I all of a sudden realised that it’s not just mij that is affected by my aging. I wasgoed so packaged up te my own little world, not truly taking a lotsbestemming of notice that my bod wasgoed aging, that I left behind how it would be accepted by the outside world. I have always bot a geflirt, it’s ter the genes! and even however I wasgoed picked on at schoolgebouw, and called ugly and spotty, hurtful things that go straight into your mind, and affect you for the surplus of your life, it took mij a duo of years after leaving schoolgebouw to realise, much to my verrassing I might add, that actually I wasn’t spil hideous spil they all made out. I never truly had a loterijlot of confidence with the opposite hook-up, but when I had a drink, alcoholic, then the shyness that overtook mij at almost any other part of my life, wasgoed abruptly gone. When I say I had a drink, I never got buzzed spil such, spil I wasgoed not that keen on wijngeest. Oh, I had my moments, and I still do, but it is usually by accident, that I end up slightly inebriated! For example, if I am eating and drinking at a party, and think that I toevluchthaven’t truly had a lotsbestemming, but the next morning, well, all I can say is, never again!
So my point is that, when I have had a drink, I still act the same spil usual, only a bit slower!
But back to the other night. I wasgoed invited to my friends bday party at the locorregional pub, and I wasgoed aware of the fact that an ex- beau of mine wasgoed going to be there. He is a relative of my friend, and overheen the years wij have got together a few times, nothing strong, but just having a good time and a few weeks relationship here and there. I still liked him very much, but spil I still live with my ex-husband, which I will explain about when I have more nerve to tell the world, I have always bot reluctant to leave and go of with him. My boy friend spil I will call him, is four years junior than mij, and it wasgoed never a problem. Overheen the years he has asked mij to go away with him, but spil I said, I never could pauze away that lightly, so wij have had a on of sort of thing going on. More mental thesis days than physical, and I am sure you all know what I mean. Anyway, he turned up with his fresh gf, and this wasgoed fine spil I knew he wasgoed dating. But this wasgoed not the problem. She wasgoed twenty seven years old! He behaved like a zindelijk dandi and stayed with hier all evening, but at times I noticed a puny look ter my direction. At this stage, I didn’t realise that my age wasgoed a problem. It wasgoed, but not just for him. Another man took an rente ter mij, and even however I wasgoed very flatterered, I wasn’t interested te him, but I did dance with him most of the night, spil everyone else wasgoed part of a duo.
The trouble came straks, when after being told that he liked mij, my friend took mij to one side and said, ‘ do you know John indeed fancies susan?’ but she is married. Poor man!
I wasgoed astonished and mortified to all of a sudden realise the reason why he had said this. He had not taken any notice of hier all night, but after being with mij, he spoke to another friend of mine, and wasgoed told that I wasgoed fifty. That wasgoed that. I think he wasgoed about thirty eight. After hearing this, I all of a sudden looked across the dance floor at, I will call him, Pete, my boy friend, or more to the point man friend, and realised that is why he would never be interested ter mij again. This might sound a bit dramatic, but I realised that because his fresh gf wasgoed ter hier twenties, he still felt youthfull. Going out with someone of fifty would permanently showcase him that he is also aging. Don’t ask mij how I know this, I just do.
My point to all this? Age is a state of mind. The trouble is, however youthfull you look, your age tells the world that you have practice, a past, and more to the point, there is something te our DNA that states that to be youthfull is to be fruitful. Wij mate to procreate. The joy part is just an afterthought, albeit a good one. I realise now that time has galloped away with my genes, and I am no longer a contestant ter the mating spel. A very sobering practice.
So what do I do now? if I want to date, do I have to lie about my age? is that why women do all the time? I never thought there wasgoed much point te that, I presumed, wrongly, that to tell the world your age, especially if you look junior, would make people say, ‘ Ooh you certainly look good’. But now I know the truth. Your age is the one main número te the spel of producing children. And therefore, you are overheen the hill, and futile to be a mate.
I have never bot attracted to older boys, it is just mij. Maybe I have forgotten that age has caught up with mij te the dating spel, maybe I thought that I would always look and be junior. But people see mij differently now. And I cannot finta get used to it.