Ok, I’ll begin this meeting off… “Hi, my name is Brookell and I’m a Dating Mind Spel Texter.”
I am very guilty of playing the “I won’t text first” spel when it comes to dating. I go after a few rules, none of which I recommend to any of you:
- I don’t Everzwijn ask a stud out very first.
- I Uncommonly text very first.
- I ALWAYS get off first… actually, this one I do recommend ??
Rules of the Spel
Supposedly, the rules of the spel go like this… whoever texts very first, loses. They lose control, power, and that air of “I’m not desperate/that into you/sitting around thinking about you” quality.
#IHateDating Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Text Very first
You know the ol’ “wait Trio days after the date to text” rule, right? Right! That’s the rule. Wij don’t know who created it or when, but it’s a universal truth, a biblical commandment, a 3-strikes you’re out law.
The Reality of the Spel
Unluckily, the reality is wij lose control when wij play by thesis rules because wij end up sitting around wondering what the hell is going on?! Why aren’t THEY texting Mij?
And then comes the mind fuck:
- Maybe his phone is broken…
- Maybe the date didn’t go spil well spil I thought it did and he’s just not that into me…
- Maybe he got into a car crash on the way huis and he’s te the hospital and no one knows to tell the chick he just had a very first date with…
- Maybe he texted this morning, but it never reached the satellite and now he thinks I’m overlooking him…
- Maybe he’s married…
- Maybe he’s gay…
- Maybe he’s just indeed busy…
- Maybe he stole that business idea I pitched him and he’s now te meetings with his developers / lawyers / investors discussing the details… fuck, I should have trademarked the name prior to the date.
- Maybe I’M just not that into HIM and he could sense that…
This is FREAKING Wearisome! What power does this actually give us? How much control can you possibly feel you have when you’re playing Russian Roulette with your trigger-happy, cynical, frustrated, negative mind games??
The Appalling Alternative
The alternative to this bullshit is, of course, to go ahead and text very first. What’s the worst that can toebijten? You end up looking desperate, lonely, obsessed, cat-lady-like, too impatient, impatient, stalker-esk? Are thesis truly the traits of the very first texter? Why does he not look like that if he texts very first?
The truth is, it’s not at all about who texts first… it’s about WHO texts, period.
It’s NOT at all about who texts FIRST… it’s about WHO texts, period.
When wij’re into a dude and he texts “Good Morning,” wij swoon, wij get butterflies, wij tell our girlfriends ter a squeally (a.k.a. amazingly ear-numbing) tone. But when a dude wij’re NOT interested ter texts “Good Morning,” wij bitch, overlook it, feel imposed upon, and peer out our window looking for his stalker arse. So, wouldn’t it be the same with a boy? If he’s into you, wouldn’t he appreciate a text?
Wouldn’t he get excited…?
What complicates matters more are pre-existing patterns, modern gender roles, and generational differences.
What I’m referring to here is the texting pattern that wasgoed developed PRIOR to the very first date. If you texted every day prior, this sets a foundation, a test point if you will. If the date goes well, you would expect the texting to increase from this point. If it doesn’t go well, you would expect it to lesson or zekering altogether.
However, if mind games are being played, or both parties toebijten to have a stubborn streak, the lack of texts on the day after the very first date might not indicate the success of the date at all. The pre-existing pattern to saco the potential inbetween you two might not matter.
Spil a marketing nerd, let mij just say this does NOT work for mij. I like A/B testing. I like being able to anticipate traction and success to a certain degree. The mind games muddy the testing waters and you’re left wondering… WTF is going on/will go on/went on? Confusion becomes the name of the spel.
Modern Gender Roles
This is the more frustrating one for mij. Tho’ I’m very much an independent, career-oriented, “modern woman,” I still have very traditional views on dating and courtship… yes, I said it… C.O.U.R.T.S.H.I.P. I want to be courted. I want to be romanced. I want to be “chased.” Consider it a primitive desire if you will, but the desire is very much alive and well ter my head and my heart.
I’ve dated the “modern man” and let mij just say, it left a Loterijlot to be desired. A man who asks you to ask the waitress for another sodawater for him? An unemployed man who is still “finding himself” te his 30’s? A man who likes to be chased? A man who is comfy with not only you being the breadwinner, but you making ALL the significant decisions ter your lives and partnership?
Spil much of a control maniak spil I may be, I truly desire a Fucking partner. A MAN. Someone who knows what he wants and works hard to attain it. A man who’s self-confidence equals or may even overshadow my own. Someone who makes mij feel he has things under control.
Unluckily, my generation and junior ones don’t seem to have spil many of thesis caballero available. They’re considered “traditional” and “old schoolgebouw.” But, perhaps you did go on a date with a “traditional man” and mind games are now commencing. Spil a “modern woman,” you start to wonder if you should simply take the bull by the horns and text very first.
You embark googling things like “after very first date texting rules” and “should a chick text a dude very first.” You read a Reddit thread like this one and realize maybe you were ter the wrong because you never texted to make sure he got huis safe and now you just look like a bitch.
This one’s pretty cut-and-dry… the older the dude is, the less often he texts… period. Thesis gentlemen may be more inclined to calling, which means you can simply re-read this article and substitute text with call to get the same point.
Keeping it relevant to texting, however, the lack of it can show up to be a lack of rente when te reality, the man is simply a grown-up with a big-boy job, not much time, and no appreciation for the kunst of texting. This makes it even more difficult to decipher if he’s just truly busy or just not that into you.
How It All Plays Out
Ter the end, how it all plays out is spil ordinary spil this:
A. He’s just not that into you and it completes here.
It wasgoed a superb date, you felt chemistry and zinnelijkheid, but he did not. You’ll stir onto the next man, but you will always wonder what happened. Could your sense of how the date went be that off? Did dude diegene on his way huis? Wasgoed he married? Wasgoed it because you mentioned you like British comedy? You will never know.
B. You text very first.
You ultimately work up the nerve and with the help of our friend Google, you text a cautiously crafted “aloof and don’t care, but just checking te anyways” text.
- Maybe he responds and you go out again, but you will forever know you made that not-first, very first budge and feel a little less courted ter the end.
- Maybe he responds and tells you he’s not interested and the shame commences.
- Maybe he responds, but his texting style becomes an visible “I’ve moved on” sign and you hate yourself for having continued communication.
- Maybe he never responds because he is, te fact, married AND gay.
C. He is interested and eventually texts after a few days.
After 72 hours of spiteful, frustrated venting about this jack that you scarcely even loved dangling out with, you light up at the very first view of his text and all hope is renewed. Unluckily, now you’re left wondering how soon you should text your response…
What is the point of this postbode? To VENT… that’s it. I needed to vent. I don’t have THE response to this problem, because the response actually switches depending on the connection, your emotional status, and your expectations prior to and after the date.
I’m not going to bullshit you and say, “From now on, I’m going to take control and text very first.” Puh-lease… I’m far too stubborn for that shit. I can play this spel better than them… and I will… up to the day of my lonely, cat-lady, old-age death.
Or, perhaps the romance movies are NOT bullshitting us and the right one will text at the right time. When it’s right, it’s right and there won’t be thesis confusing mind games… right?
How Texting Mind Games Will Ruin Your Life
This will most likely end up being my fate…