Posted February 9, te by Robert Weiss
Without doubt, healthy romantic love is a beautiful thing. Unluckily, addictive love is not. Te truth, when individuals are preoccupied to the point of obsession with falling and/or being ter love, they tend to behave te very regrettable ways– just like alcoholics, drugs maniacs, compulsive gamblers, compulsive spenders, lovemaking maniacs, etc. And overheen time love maniacs inevitably practice the same basic consequences: depression, anxiety, lowered self-esteem, ruined relationships, trouble at work or ter schoolgebouw, declining physical and/or emotional health, financial woes, loss of rente family, friends, hobbies and other previously pleasant activities, and more.
Generally speaking, love maniacs are people whose capability to self-regulate, reduce anxiety and remain hopeful about the future rests almost entirely on the neurochemical rush of fresh romance – that wonderfully titillating time when the other person’s thoughts, deeds and very existence are the most significant things on earth. Te this ephemeral relationship stage the other person seems endlessly fascinating, and his or hier character flaws (the things that eventually become bothersome) are lightly disregarded, mostly thanks to the release of dopamine, along with oxytocin, serotonin, adrenaline and various other endorphins, into the prizes center of the brain. Importantly, this neurochemical reaction matches the neurochemical surge wrought by addictive sexual fantasy/activity and drugs of manhandle. So it’s no verdadero verrassing that fresh romance can be just spil addictive spil hookup or cocaine.
…this neurochemical reaction matches the neurochemical surge wrought by addictive sexual fantasy/activity and drugs of manhandle. So it’s no vivo verrassing that fresh romance can be just spil addictive spil lovemaking or cocaine. -Robert Weiss
It’s significant to state that love maniacs are not hooked on love. Instead, they’re addicted to limerence (the neurochemical rush of fresh romance). Spil time passes, they continually attempt to extend and/or repeat this early, intensely pleasurable phase of their relationships. What they fail to understand is that limerence (and the neurochemical rush that drives it) are improvised sensations. Te brief, limerence is not the endgame of healthy relationships, it is the catalyst for longer-term connections, serving spil the glue that keeps people interested te one another long enough to potentially form a deeper and more meaningful (albeit less neurochemically intense) desire for closeness.
Love maniacs, rather than sticking with someone and permitting longer-term emotional bonds to form, attempt to perpetually extend the neurochemical excitement of early romance. Te essence, their “drug” is the rush they feel whenever they meet someone fresh who might be “the one.” And they use this drug to get high te the same ways and for the same reasons that alcoholics drink and drug maniacs take drugs – to escape from stress and other forms of emotional or sometimes even physical discomfort.
For the most part, the diagnostic criteria for love addiction are the same spil with substance addiction. The DSM-5 lists eleven criteria for substance addiction (officially referred to spil Substance Use Disorder), any two of which vereiste be present for a diagnosis. And that listing could certainly be adapted for use here. Ter the rente of brevity, however, I will concentrate here on the three primary indicators. They are spil goes after:
- For six months or more, love junkies are preoccupied to the point of obsession with fresh relationships, ongoing relationships, romantic fantasies and the like.
- Love maniacs have lost control overheen their romantic fantasies and relationships. Most often this “loss of control” is evidenced by failed attempts to abandon or at least to curtail their obsessive search for love.
- Love maniacs, like other maniacs, practice negative life consequences that are directly (and indirectly) related to their obsessive behaviors.
Love junkies sometimes look and act quiebro a bit like lovemaking junkies – engaging te lots of hookup with lots of people. However, love maniacs use hookup spil a instrument for hooking and/or holding on to a romantic fucking partner, whereas hook-up junkies typically do the opposite, using the lure of romance to obtain a sexual fucking partner. Te brief, love maniacs are pursuing escape and dissociation via romantic fantasy and activity, while hookup junkies are pursuing escape and dissociation via sexual fantasy and activity.
Typically, love maniacs fresh to treatment and recovery have little to no understanding of their disorder. They are almost always deeply ter denial about their behavior and its consequences. (Thesis issues are common with junkies of all types, not just love junkies.) Rather than recognizing that they are the one common denominator ter their many failed relationships, love junkies typically shove the blame onto those with whom they’ve bot romantically entangled. Essentially, if their inability to find and keep “the one” is someone else’s fault, they needn’t look at and address their own shortcomings.
Sometimes people think that love addiction is an entirely female punt. It is not. Boys can be addicted to romance just spil lightly spil women can be addicted to hook-up. Sometimes guys choose to talk about their romantic issues te sexual terms, much spil women tend to talk about their sexual issues te romantic terms. This is simply a cultural vaandel, mostly a reaction to the militar societal acceptance (and celebration) of masculine but not female sexual activity. Regardless, dudes absolutely can be love maniacs.
Consider Dino, a 35-year-old married father of three.
Regardless of gender, romance addicted individuals typically engage ter one or more of the following behaviors.
- They are permanently fighting to find and/or maintain romantic (and sometimes sexual) power. When the power of a relationship wanes, they seek a fresh relationship.
- They rely on romantic (and sometimes sexual) strength spil a way to escape stress and other forms of emotional discomfort, including psychological conditions like depression, anxiety and unresolved verwonding.
- They typically feel desperate and alone when they are not ter a serious relationship. Conversely, when they are ter a relationship, they often feel strangled and/or worried that they might be with the wrong person.
- They are permanently searching for that one volmaakt person who will make them feel entire. They often end a potentially solid romance just to embark a fresh one and feel the neurochemical rush of that practice.
- They often confuse romantic and/or sexual force with long-term love and true emotional closeness.
- They typically hop from one relationship into another. Often, the fresh relationship is embarked before the old one is ended.
- They often fail to keep significant commitments and to meet their obligations (with family, schoolgebouw, work, finances, etc.) because they’re so preoccupied with their ongoing search for romantic power.
- They may feign rente te activities they don’t love spil a way to keep a playmate or to meet someone fresh. They take up hobbies, join clubs and attend social engagements that don’t even remotely rente them – all because “the one” just might be there.
- They almost always have numerous online dating/hookup profiles. They will postbode profiles on sites that don’t even apply to them (i.e., a profile on J-Date even however they’re not Jewish). And they check thesis profiles permanently, focusing more on potential romance than on life spil it is happening.
Like other junkies, love maniacs typically experienced some form of significant verwonding when they were youthful. Common traumas include neglect, abandonment, veranderlijk parenting, and emotional, physical, psychological and/or sexual manhandle (including covert incest), among others. Regardless of the nature of early-life verwonding, love maniacs typically learn early ter their lives that becoming endeble ter an attempt to unie ter healthy ways is dangerous and to be avoided at all costs. They also learn that escaping into the intense and very distracting neurochemical surge of limerence is an effective way to “not feel” their emotional discomfort (shame, fear, loneliness, depression, anxiety, etc.). Even a mere fantasy about how volmaakt life will be with “the one” is enough to create the desired dissociation from life ter the uur. So wij see that love addiction, like all other addictions, is less about feeling good and more about feeling less (or at least controlling what one feels).
…love addiction, like all other addictions, is less about feeling good and more about feeling less (or at least controlling what one feels). -Robert Weiss
Treatment for love addiction generally relies on the same strategies that work with other forms of addiction. Typically, treatment involves a very directive form of individual and/or group psychotherapy – most often cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) – coupled with 12-step recovery (usually Lovemaking and Love Maniacs Anonymous) or some other love addiction-focused support group.
Much of the time, love maniacs who inject treatment and recovery want to know if they’re going to have to be alone for the surplus of their lives. Cheerfully, this is not the case. Yes, sobriety for substance manhandle and various other addictive disorders typically means long-term abstinence, but love addiction (and sexual addiction, for that matter) are treated more like an eating disorder, where long-term abstinence is not feasible. Rather than eliminating romantic relationships entirely, love maniacs heal by learning to develop and maintain healthy, non-compulsive romantic relationships that stir beyond the rush of limerence into much more meaningful and longer-lasting (however much less neurochemically intense) forms of proximity and emotional connection.